Will You or Won’t You? Why Willpower Doesn’t Suck

THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT 9:30pm that always gets me in trouble. The kids are in bed, dinner was a couple hours ago, and then, almost like clockwork, the craving comes.

Dessert.

In the grand scheme of things, this is a small, insignificant problem. But at 9:30pm, after a tough day at work, a sweat-fest at the gym and plopping down on the couch to relax, the chatter inside my head gets louder, logic gets thinner, and suddenly, I’m in a battle of wills.

But you promised to cut back on junk.

-Yes, but I just worked out.

Eat an apple, then.

-I don’t want an apple. I want cake!

Cake will make you fat. You’ll gain back what you just spent at the gym.

-I can go again tomorrow.

And on and on. At this point, my saving grace is the fact that I don’t have any cake in the house.

That’s my clever way of removing temptation, of keeping a promise I made to myself. This way I wouldn’t have to rely on willpower alone.

Willpower is fickle; it’s inconsistent, mostly weak and often fails. Which is why it is much, much better to have an overall approach that reduces reliance on your only-sometimes effective will.

Grab a  few books or listen to experts, and most will treat willpower as the black sheep of efficiency or habit change. And I would agree…mostly.

I think the black sheep has value, and isn’t as useless as it’s often made out to be.

Instead, it should be given the chance to flourish and prosper whenever possible, because as much as you or I would like to deny it, at times it will be tested. You will need to call upon this power when your superpowers are unavailable or under construction.

There will be a time, for example, when you will have had a horrific day, your friends will be busy and the last thing you’ll want to do is to hit the gym or go for a run.

Or a time when you’re heart-deep in an argument with your spouse, and you’ll either pause and focus on whether arguing is useful, or go all out to see who wins.

Maybe–at some point–your kids will get loud and run around screaming while throwing Legos across the room (again). You’ll want to start screaming too.

Or you’ll really, really, really want that candy bar behind the jar of pickles (because you don’t have cake and forgot all about the candy bar).

These are the times your willpower can be your ally, your rope in the well, your in-case-of-emergency.

Because as good as systems are, none are perfect. They will get you most of the way, most of the time. But when you need to bridge the gap and win the small wins while the big ones are still in progress, willpower can save the day.

Last night, my husband promised to do the dishes but never got around to doing them. I started to get upset but decided not to.

He did, however, offer to go to the store and get me cake. At 9:30pm.

And I said, “That’s sweet…but no.”