Where to begin when it feels like the universe is against you

There may come a time when your life is full of questions.

Why now?

Why this?

Why me?

Why NOT me?

These questions come in times of struggle, of frustration, of life taking (taunting?) you in directions you don’t want to go.

You might get emotional, and it’s hard to think straight when you do.

The words “grit”, “resilience” and “persistence” might leap out of whatever you’re reading or watching in your uneasiness. In response, you might find yourself gritting your teeth, resiliently laying under the covers and reaching for chocolate with noteworthy persistence.

It can feel that the universe doesn’t have your back; instead it’s trying to break it.

In these times I lose all hope for the very thing I’m supposed to have: strength. In fact, the word itself loses meaning in the turmoil of my mind. The sea is too choppy, the waves are big and I feel small.

And when I’m feeling small, I believe the biggest lie – that I need something big to save me.

A miracle, a divine intervention, a sign so big even my small, cloudy eyes can see it.

But it doesn’t happen. The waves of the sea, of life, still rage on.

Now, even in my panic, in my urgency, I am forced to acknowledge that I have only two options.

Sheer force of will – where I muster up a superhuman force to knock sense into my own head, stop wasting my energy panicking and start doing things that are useful, sensible, that might – just might – work. Even if they don’t, they keep me moving.

Sheer force of habit – where I muster up a human force to knock sense into my own head, stop wasting my energy panicking and start doing things that are useful, sensible that might – just might – work. Even if they don’t, they keep me moving.

The only difference is, in times of a storm, you’re more likely to follow through on the latter, because while you’re capable of drawing superhuman strength, it’s not something you can sustain or bring forth as often as you might need to.

Habits outlast willpower any day, any time, in any storm.

A few bumps and bruises later, I tend to get more clear-headed. I’ve been through tough times before, I remember.

I pick myself up, and take a step.

The universe is still watching me. I know I have to keep moving.

Occasionally, it gives me a hand. I know I have to keep moving.