Whether you love making lists or rarely bother, here’s a list you need to put waaaay on top of all others.
No, it’s not a to-do, to-don’t, top 10, pros/cons or anything of the sort. Sure, those are helpful. They add sanity to your days and get you to do stuff. They make sure you don’t show up to your kid’s best friend’s birthday party the day after.
The list I’m talking about is for you and you alone. This list adds understanding to your days and gets you through struggles. It makes sure you show up for you.
It’s so meta that I don’t even have a name for it, so you’ll have to come up with your own. Like I said, it’s for you.
The purpose and essence of this list is truth.
Specifically, your truth.
What you add to this list is your realizations and truths, the ones that shook you to the core, popped up with glaring clarity in the unlikeliest of times or places (shower, grocery store, driving back from the wrong-date birthday party), or when a spiritual light bulb went off.
And, as much as you might want to deny, the best nuggets of self-wisdom, your hard-won rewards that were a consequence of your hardest struggles.
When you realize your longest friendship is now your most unfulfilling, it’s time to set firm boundaries but with kindness.
When you and your spouse misplace the holy grail of honest communication, you find the courage to break the cycle because you finally see it’s not about winning or losing.
When you feel others are “ahead” but realize your own path and don’t want what they want, and you’re okay with that.
The purpose of this list is simple: to have a written record of your personal truths. Because we humans are easily distracted and forget all too easily the moments we’re in touch with and aligned with our deepest, true, core self.
In this age of increasing distractions, my truth centers and grounds me; it gives me a sense of “me” in the constant onslaught of shiny distractions, other people’s expectations, and my own self-doubt.
Not only do we acknowledge our experience more thoughtfully when we write it down, we process it more deeply.
Making a list that makes achievements or tasks irrelevant is more challenging, but infinitely more gratifying and meaningful.
Why? Because while evolving into a better version of yourself can be inspiring, it can also be scary.
If you’ve undergone struggle and are gaining insight and becoming stronger, the old you (perhaps weaker, more of a victim) will grip you in desperation, and try to bring you back to the mindset that was known and comfortable.
Even if you hated—absolutely hated—struggling through whatever it was, you survived. You learned what it was trying to teach you and now, despite the pain, you are better for it. This truth can be hard to accept.
It may take weeks or months or maybe years, but there is no better sense of reassurance in your own self as that which comes from facing the darkness and getting through to the other side.
This is a realization I had understood and practiced for most of my life in a horizontal (shallow, intellectual) way.
When I understood this in a vertical (deep, meaningful, letting-go) way, the way I looked at life began to change profoundly.
I find this list is particularly more helpful the older I get. Because I crave honesty in others, I want to be more honest with myself.
When we’re not ready to face the challenges we know deep down we need to face, things can seem impossible. We feel discouraged, disheartened.
But once we accept—beyond our emotions and fear of uncertainty—that we must face that mountain, the realization comes and we see (feel) the truth. We can take the first small step, then the next and the one after that.
And that’s the best gift you can give yourself.
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