For a long time, I thought the only way to deal with fear was to muscle through it, to somehow beat it into submission. The end goal being fear's permanent exit, I would emerge victorious, free to move on and succeed. I'm not sure where I picked this up. Probably, like we pick up other beliefs, in bits and pieces growing up, from people we're around, the idols we admire, the media we consume. Of course, the other part is our personality, and what we naturally lean toward. Recently, though, … [Read more...]
Why you can’t just “let it go” (and how you can)
I've been thinking a lot about fear lately. My choices, my decisions, my reactions, my expectations. The experiences I've had, the things I've said yes to, no to, or worried about in between before deciding yes or no, well, fear has had a role. Sometimes a starring role. Big whoop. So who doesn't have fear? But even after knowing we all have fear in common, our problems are still here, waiting for us. Knowing may help me feel better for a bit, but after a while I get lost in the what ifs … [Read more...]
Some perfection, too much fear, and when it’s okay to make a mistake
You're making a mistake. This time, it wasn't subtle, or a suggestion. I heard it loud and clear. A couple of years ago, I sat my parents down and told them about my intention to sell my practice. I wanted to do other things, and when the time was right, or should I say, better than right away, I was going to do it. Make the mistake, I mean. It was a classic parental response, maybe one you've heard too. Protecting the cub and all that. An understandable, if predictable … [Read more...]
Who Is Your Villain Of The Day?
You're supposed to be the hero of your life. But how often do you play the villain instead? I've done it more than I'd care to admit, and needless to say, it totally messes up how I want the story to go. Here's the spoiler: If I tackle a challenge or things don't go the way I want, instead of grabbing my hero cape or wand or stylish-yet-comfortable black boots, I hold the door wide open to fear and self-doubt. This twofer villain waltzes right in and gets to work, attacking confidence … [Read more...]
How To Work With Fear – 3 Plans of Action
What builds the bridge between knowing how to work with fear and actually doing it? Lately, in the talks I’m listening to, in the books I’m reading, I find myself zoning in on how to work with fear (because we all know there’s no such thing as getting rid of it all together, like bank fees or bad hair days). Here are a few things I've noted, things I'm tossing, turning, trying. Feels Like The First Time Jon Acuff talks about doing things like it’s the first time, over and over again. If … [Read more...]
Why (Real) Change Is An Inside Job
IT'S HARD TO let go of seeing something in a way you've always seen it. I recently came across this story: Imagine that you go to a doctor and tell her about the pain you're having. She listens attentively, and then proceeds to prescribe medicine for your friend. You say, "That's great", and go on your merry way. How absurd is that? But that's what we do so often; we want something other than us to change-a friend, a spouse, a boss--then life would be great. When my day tanks, … [Read more...]
Looking Fear In The Face
"TRY NOT TO look like you're going to kill me." That is what Henrik, my photographer, said to get me to loosen up. He was gracious enough to take some head shots for my book cover, and here I was, looking like I'm out to get him. I mean, it's one thing to take eight selfies and pick the best one and a whole another when a pro--one who's worked with the likes of Annie Leibovitz, Penelope Cruz, Harrison Ford--has set up lights and cameras and is waiting for you to … [Read more...]