IT’S HARD TO let go of seeing something in a way you’ve always seen it.
I recently came across this story: Imagine that you go to a doctor and tell her about the pain you’re having. She listens attentively, and then proceeds to prescribe medicine for your friend. You say, “That’s great”, and go on your merry way.
How absurd is that? But that’s what we do so often; we want something other than us to change-a friend, a spouse, a boss–then life would be great.
When my day tanks, I want the day to get better. When I’m frustrated with someone, I want them to change their attitude. If I tell my son no cookies before dinner (oh no siree), I want him to not get upset. Five-year olds are good at that, right?
Something’s not quite right with that picture, but I don’t see it at the time.
The more you get out into the world, and see, learn, and do what this life has to offer, I’m realizing it is that much more you need to look inwards.
They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.
~ Andy Warhol
Even with information at your fingertips and loved ones to support you, you still need to come back to home base–your self. You need to check in regularly. Stubbornly, if necessary. Because someone else’s medicine isn’t going to make you feel better.
Why is it difficult? Because change is hard work. Try changing a simple thing as switching which side you sleep on. It’s hard. You’ve probably been sleeping on the same side for years. It’s not impossible, but it will take some effort. Same for walking away from gossip, or making it to the gym. Asking someone or something else to change is so much easier.
Then there’s the uncertainty. Even if you come to decide that hard work is not so scary, there’s the not knowing if it will even work. If it doesn’t, and you deem it a failure, then what?
That is the real fear, isn’t it?
Real change, the kind that means something and makes an impact, the kind that transforms, that lasts; it doesn’t come from the outside. It’s reflected on the outside when you’ve done the work (yes, the HARD WORK) on the inside.
When it comes to your home base–your core, your center, your true self, however you define it–you can’t leave it and move to another, pretend it’s not yours (well, you could, but not for long), or redecorate to look like someone else’s. It’s all in you.
And yet, this is easy to forget as we step out into the world. The lines blur, you give in, and make choices that don’t fit in with your home base. Sure, I’ll become an xyz. Sure, we can be friends. Of course I can do this for you.
When things don’t pan out, or we get stuck, we will them to change. If only _____ happened, I’d be all set.
Here’s the kicker, though. There’s no such thing as being “all set” (neither is failure, really). And that’s the good news. Once you know there’s no magic pill, you can get to work.
If anything changes, you’ll know it was an inside job.
Image Source: Explore-blog from Tumblr
My book, The Light Shift: 21 Simple Ways to Make Your Days Interesting, Get Unstuck and Beat the Daily Grind is out! Check it out on Amazon here.
