“TRY NOT TO look like you’re going to kill me.” 
That is what Henrik, my photographer, said to get me to loosen up. He was gracious enough to take some head shots for my book cover, and here I was, looking like I’m out to get him.
I mean, it’s one thing to take eight selfies and pick the best one and a whole another when a pro–one who’s worked with the likes of Annie Leibovitz, Penelope Cruz, Harrison Ford–has set up lights and cameras and is waiting for you to unclench.
Good thing we’re friends, but still.
To be fair, a few hops, skips and jumps out of your comfort zone have occasionally been known to trigger insecurities. You’re flustered, trying to muster up confidence and at the same time, not let on how unnerving something relatively harmless (say, a picture) is.
Or is it just me?
It was at this moment that Maria, his wife, presented me with a candied ginger champagne. Hmm, that “not letting on” technique was not working as well as I’d hoped. I couldn’t help thinking how a simple photo session was making me feel so off-kilter, and with witnesses to boot. Good thing too, since I’m only putting out a book into the world. Judgement, here ye come!
How often do we agree to “being who we are”….yet cringe when it’s time for the mask to come off? Wha??? Let the world see me…ME? The real thing, with the flaws and the awkwardness?
What I wanted was to look nonchalant, like I’ve got it all together and all my angles are so good you’ll have a hard time picking one. What I gave was a series of death looks. Subtle difference, but obvious to the trained eye.
I attempted to be brave. The goal wasn’t to pretend it’s easy; the goal was to do my best and realize I will survive this small bump in the grand scheme of things.
Miraculously, I did survive. Henrik’s easy going manner plus his drop-your-weapon-it’s-only-a-photo approach got me through my fear, and the next couple of hours.
I faced up, and this is what we got:
