And I think:
This realization was my biggest shift forward in the past year.
And the fact that I ran across these words in a book that marked the beginning of my journey of awakening a decade ago (sounds dramatic, I know, and it was) is a sign I took from the Universe stating a joyful, head-tilted Yeah, I exist.
I tossed with, tugged at, raged against, wept for, begged and pleaded with the darkest dark for answers to the BIG questions of my life.
We all have our BIG questions, where we want answers that guarantee our future, avoid struggle and gain outer validation. They can be about our relationships, our career, our kids, our dreams or our fears.
I eagerly awaited an epiphany every time I achieved a goal or checked off an accomplishment. I sought wisdom and insights, but with BIG questions as my hidden agenda.
After almost a decade, I finally admitted to myself this was not working. There was no secret formula that would help me make the perfect decisions or prevent ever making mistakes.
Lucky for me I’m a fast learner.
I decided that I needed to let go. So I did.
No more tussling with the BIG questions, because it was just a way to try and control the future, to swim in the abstract while giving up in the present, to avoid accepting the shadow that comes with the light.
Just focus on today, and what small thing I can do TODAY.
We often want answers to the BIG questions with the best intentions, but it really becomes a quest for control. It takes us away from the present moment, the NOW, the only place we can be and the only time where we can do things to help improve the future we’re so worried about.
When we focus on today, the small actions, we find the answers to the small questions. By doing this every day—every moment—with intention, we choose to accept where we are, which is essential so we can keep going.
So while you may be tempted to indulge in the BIG questions because they seem important, I offer you Julia’s wise words from her book The Artist’s Way. I have never come away disappointed, only hopeful and uplifted.
If the BIG questions feel tight and heavy, it’s time to let go.
Instead, take small steps each day, and you’ll find yourself walking into your light.
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