Limits are the barbed wire of real life. As much as we want our lives to feel limitless, inevitably we will face problems.
Our quest begins with safety. Once attained, we seek comfort, then luxury. Eventually, we spill onto excess. No matter where we live on that spectrum, our need for safety never goes away.
Unfortunately, neither do our problems. Solve one problem, and at some point, there’s sure to be another.
For many of us, the way through is fixing. We are problem-solving go-getters, and praised and rewarded for it. For practical issues, this approach works quite favorably as we make our way through life.
In fact, sometimes this approach works so well that we apply it to our inner world too. Except it doesn’t work nearly as often, or works only briefly, and we get stuck. And we can’t figure out why.
That’s because when it comes to inner issues, the rules of the game are different. There’s no checklist for why something triggers your anxiety, no fake-it-till-you-make-it in an important relationship, no throwing days of hard work at a repeating, self-defeating pattern in your career.
Some problems simply cannot be “fixed”.
If you’ve tried to fix problems of the heart, mind and soul over and over without any progress, it’s a sign that the approach you’re using isn’t working. It may be time to shift your focus from trying to fix your problems (which feels active, smart, the hallmark of a go-getter) to surrendering to solutions (which may sound passive, weak, smacking of a “last resort” kind of desperation; it is none of those).
The inner world asks that you step back and give yourself space; to ask the real questions; to hold those questions instead of rushing to answer them. Creative brainstorming might be intellectually stimulating and ego boosting, but a poor substitute for tuning your attention inward.
It may also be time to release expectations. There’s a specific result or timeline you’ve set your mind on, and not meeting those expectations is causing suffering. Bullying your anxiety to shoo or meeting your relationship issues with your goal-face on rarely work.
Our greatest personal shifts don’t come through force. They come through freedom—freedom from resistance.
Standing in opposition to reality—to what is—is resistance.
Acceptance is surrender. You don’t have to like reality, but you do have to accept it.
When you surrender, you are receptive and at the same time, you are released. This energy of surrender is an energy of allowing. When you are receptive and allowing, you are open to optimism, to clarity, to honesty, to direction when you are lost.
In a life led by intellect, a pure problem-fixing approach may be “smart” but shallow, because it is often a short-term win. A deeper life asks you to align for the long-term and gain wisdom instead, by means of acceptance and surrender.
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