A staggering portion of our activity is motivated by the desire to feel safe and secure. Which means, by and large, we want things to stay predictable and in control. The problem is, we get bored when things get too predictable. We want change. We want different. We want better.
Some of us get focused and set goals. Some go a step further and get obsessed with goals, because that’s what high achievers do. But as they do for most goals, they add on to what’s already there without similar focus on what needs to be let go. As humans, letting go is not our strong suit. And so often, not much changes, or not significantly enough to last.
As philosopher John Muir observed, ‘when we try to pick out any one thing by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.’ How many of us have made youthful decisions that, looking back, we would have done things differently, decisions that might be affecting us even today?
Maintaining a coherent sense of self is no mean feat, but a steadfast insistence on staying the same while craving better is the perfect setting for an ongoing internal conflict. We either drag our feet or dig our heels, and the battle continues. Our growth, not so much.
This drama plays on until circumstances force our hand, foisting choices upon us that we were avoiding till then. But if we’re paying attention, we can shift, and confront the hard choices ourselves.
We can face our fears and work through them. We can spot the clouds of self-doubt hanging over our heads and veer out from under them. We can decide to stop living under the rigid architecture of our past choices.
We can let go. We can do things differently, and do them better, so we can be better. Not without flaws, but ever moving toward better. We can say “I don’t do that anymore”, or “this is the kind of person I want to be”. We can fail, we can adapt, we can evolve.
Our identity can be more aligned with and a better mix of who we were and who we want to be, landing us in the present as who we are, right now.
Photo by Fausto García-Menéndez on Unsplash
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