Don’t get caught in abstracts

A clever Halloween costume or a gory horror movie is the sort of thing that can give you chills or a good fright, but nothing is scarier than the thing that you do not want to be true—especially about yourself—is in fact, very, very true.

Of course, you could ignore this scary thing, or find excuses that glosses over your real but not-yet-ready-to-be-admitted discovery.

Go on, it’s okay. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Trust me, the truth will wait. It’s not going anywhere. (But it does get bigger.)

I realize what I’ve said so far sounds perhaps a bit general. Vague. Abstract.

Be careful. Don’t get caught in abstracts.

That’s like getting lost in the mist and trying to fight your way out with a sword.

While it’s true you need to acknowledge the mist’s existence, you have to look at things more concretely and see them for what they are.

For example, it’s not simply a “difficult job or relationship” problem. That’s an abstract. You can only get so far before you’re angry or frustrated and channel those feelings elsewhere.

Make it more concrete. What is it exactly, that makes the job or relationship difficult? Break it down. What do you want to change? What are you expecting others to change? What is the real reason that things are difficult? Are they expecting more or different things from you, or have you become comfortable and perhaps a bit resentful that things are not easier?

If you ask better questions, and examine the issues with honesty, then you begin to clear the mist, a nimbus of illusions. You start to see a path showing what you need to do to improve your situation. Yes, it takes a little work up front, but at least now you’re not wasting your energy doing target practice on an ambiguous cloud.

Whenever we postpone, avoid or coast on the woe-is-me path, problems seem more unsolvable and we feel trapped with no good options. Once we willingly start to look for the hard edges of the problem, it strengthens our resolve and widens our range of possibilities; it offers succor and diffuses fear.

When you find a concrete edge, you now have something you can work with. It’s work, but it’s useful work, certainly better than fretting or despairing. It will take time, but it’s more useful than staying stuck where you are.

Don’t get caught in abstracts. Grab hold of what you can work with instead. Soon the mist will vanish, and you will behold something of yourself that is true, and very, very real.