There's something wonderful about the number 100%, isn't it? Just hearing it calms the mind, soothes the soul, unclenches the jaw. It sounds comforting and reassuring, like few things in life do. But in reality, underneath all that heart-softening goodness is a hard, logical, mathematical concept. And somewhere along the way we've confused this fact of the math world for the grand prize in the real world. From satisfaction to security to the realness of cheese, we seek, chase and … [Read more...]
The danger of using good books to get better
I have loved many things in this life, mostly people, some ideas, but also things. One of my fierce childhood loves that still holds a place in my heart are books by Agatha Christie. Reading those books is one of my fondest memories of childhood, and to this day I own the very same copies I've had since childhood, which survived decades and several moves, some even across continents. For any mystery lover with a smidgeon of taste, Christie's books are a must-try (or in my case, a … [Read more...]
The goal rush vs “it’s part of the process”
Results seekers, goal getters, high achievers and accomplishment lovers— You know and live for the high of wins; it's what makes you tick, and what fuels you forward. But sometimes, the path you choose to getting what you want (or think you want) leaves a lot to be desired. Things tend to get intense. The big picture gets foggy. You go from high gear to high-speed in seconds, where the trips and falls come faster and hit harder. If you're not careful, you risk giving in and … [Read more...]
Confidence: How some have it easy, and what to do if you don’t
I have a friend who succeeds at pretty much anything she touches. New business? She already owns one, so why not start another? Website, manufacturing, marketing, she's on it. Neither starting nor following through are a problem. Room remodel? She finds the right people in a jiff, knows what she wants, and viola, it's done. A different art technique for her designs? She finds a class, takes it, and boom, she makes her pieces. And yes, they're gorgeous. I'm not sure why … [Read more...]
5 Ideas too sexy for their own good (and why you shouldn’t fall for them)
You thought they were the "one". But they broke their promise, let you down, and if they got far enough, they broke your heart. Nothing tastes quite like the bitter disappointment of discovering you fell for a sham. They told you what you wanted to hear, and you fell hook, line and sinker. It's a good game and you played right into their hands. And now, here you are. The pain. The agony. The self-flagellation. Your life is turned upside down, and you're not sure if you can trust … [Read more...]
The difference between your heroes and . . . everyone else
In the movie Footloose, Kevin Bacon stood out by taking on a whole town because he wanted to dance. In Legally Blonde, Reese Witherspoon was ridiculed by her peers for how she dressed and spoke, even though she got into law school just like them. In these movies, and hundreds like them, we cheer for the outcasts and the underdogs — our heroes — because most of us know how that feels. And we watch the (mostly) happy ending. The hero or heroine goes against the norm and wins. Watching … [Read more...]
What to do when you don’t get what you want (and after you do)
"You're going to spend more time getting there than staying there." This semi-awkward line is from my own book. Yes, I just quoted myself. While the line could use some work, the wisdom behind it has been time-tested over hundreds of years. But there's a good reason it's still around and why I bring it up today: it's because we need to be frequently reminded of it, which is why I put it there in the first place, albeit not so goodly. Simply put, despite our greatest ideas, our best … [Read more...]
When bumps on the road leave you rattled (10 steps)
When bumps in the road leave you rattled, consider the following ideas, in steps: 1. less denial and more awareness 2. taking a moment and a few deep breaths 3 . owning your reality, not what it should be 4. being (really) honest with yourself 5. listening to the voice inside (no, not that one, the other one) 6. simplifying the immediate as best possible, even for a little bit 7. finding support where you have it 8. loving yourself (firmly if needed, but always with … [Read more...]
Waiting for a special occasion? Stop treating priorities like parties.
Yesterday, I drove past a house with Christmas lights already up in the yard. It's the first week of November. Today, it occurred to me: we can judge all we want, but that homeowner has priorities. Getting those lights up was important enough for him/her to incur the head-shaking of passing drivers and the silent judgy wrath of neighbors. That's what we do when we make something a priority. We look beyond what others might think. We make time even when we don't think it's the "right" … [Read more...]
When other people’s advice doesn’t work
The shoes looked fantastic. On sale, and they had my size. My little arrow hovered over them, and after staring, debating, picturing them with my best jeans, I hit the 'x' and left the site. In my efforts to accumulate less stuff and occasionally flirting with minimalism, I gave myself a pat on the back. Those shoes were really, really cute. But a sigh later, I went to bed. A couple of weeks ago, I was looking at my book wish list (which keeps growing), and in the mood I was in, … [Read more...]