Who are we kidding? We've all done it; to impress, to be polite, to please, to gain something later, because we think we don't have a choice, to avoid a scene, to shut them up, or as a lie for the moment. But if we cannot say no, then yes loses its meaning. I asked myself how often I've said yes, if not for any of the reasons above, then as a habit, without thought, an automatic response. It feels rude, uncomfortable, selfish to say no. In situations we face on a regular … [Read more...]
The crowd loves being a crowd
While thinking about others, it's a natural tendency to compare ourselves to them, what they're thinking of us, and our place among them as we perceive it. We seek reassurance we have a place to belong. There's strength and safety in numbers, and following the crowd makes life so much easier. Sometimes it rubs the ego the wrong way (I'm not like them), but it's hard to muster argument against the path of least resistance. We've all followed the crowd To the airplane exit. To the right … [Read more...]
Stop asking for good advice. Get real advice instead.
Their voices were so loud my head was ready to explode. I couldn't make them stop. It was my own fault. I had opened the door and they all rushed in, flooding every crevice they could find. I should've known better. At least, that's what I've been told. That's the problem with advice. You go in seeking insight, direction, or, in desperate times, a glimmer of hope. But more often than not, you take a step and boom, you're smothered. Or get a host of contradictions. Or catchy, … [Read more...]
Did you ever wish you could quit and start over?
Exactly a year ago, I quit my job. More accurately, I sold my business, which was my job. As this date approached, I was curious. Would I get sentimental? Feel joy? Have a sudden but powerful urge to attack a jar of peanut butter? None of the above, especially not that last one (whew). What I do feel is a sense of done-ness, something I ached to feel much, much earlier. I owned, managed, blood-sweat-and-teared in my dental practice for almost a decade. I spent the last few … [Read more...]
How to deal with fear when “crushing it” doesn’t work
For a long time, I thought the only way to deal with fear was to muscle through it, to somehow beat it into submission. The end goal being fear's permanent exit, I would emerge victorious, free to move on and succeed. I'm not sure where I picked this up. Probably, like we pick up other beliefs, in bits and pieces growing up, from people we're around, the idols we admire, the media we consume. Of course, the other part is our personality, and what we naturally lean toward. Recently, though, … [Read more...]
Why not making big resolutions makes you awesome
I quit believing in big resolutions a long time ago, that magical fantasy where I miraculously start or stop doing something practically overnight and, just like in the movies, my dreams come true. Big resolutions don’t work. We all know it, and we keep doing it. Maybe massive, sweeping change works for some people, but it never did for me. Somewhere early on the fantasy crumbled and turned into cookie crumbs in my palms, which never happens in the movies. And from what I hear, I'm not … [Read more...]
How to stumble into success
Tell me, Do you ever put Netflix on your calendar? Do you pencil in 'eat half a pie' in your appointment book? How about a daily alert on your phone to surf Facebook? Blow off yoga on your to-do list? Probably not. Because you don't need to. This ain't your first rodeo. You've climbed that mountain. You've got mad skillz. You may even have better metaphors. In fact, you could show an entire crowd of adoring fans how it's done because it comes naturally to you. … [Read more...]
Waiting for a special occasion? Stop treating priorities like parties.
Yesterday, I drove past a house with Christmas lights already up in the yard. It's the first week of November. Today, it occurred to me: we can judge all we want, but that homeowner has priorities. Getting those lights up was important enough for him/her to incur the head-shaking of passing drivers and the silent judgy wrath of neighbors. That's what we do when we make something a priority. We look beyond what others might think. We make time even when we don't think it's the "right" … [Read more...]
7 Ways to tackle the overwhelm of building good habits
"I have trouble sleeping. I think it's stress," a friend of a friend told me. I rattled off my go-to suggestions in an effort to help. Exercise. Meditation. Lay down on the floor with your legs up against the wall for 20 minutes (a yoga teacher I know swears by this). She gave me a nod and a rueful half-smile, conveyed the usual sequence of feelings; agreement, because she already knew the answers, guilt for not doing what she knew will help, and shame that she probably still won't. Her … [Read more...]
Why you can’t just “let it go” (and how you can)
I've been thinking a lot about fear lately. My choices, my decisions, my reactions, my expectations. The experiences I've had, the things I've said yes to, no to, or worried about in between before deciding yes or no, well, fear has had a role. Sometimes a starring role. Big whoop. So who doesn't have fear? But even after knowing we all have fear in common, our problems are still here, waiting for us. Knowing may help me feel better for a bit, but after a while I get lost in the what ifs … [Read more...]
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