Who are we kidding? We've all done it; to impress, to be polite, to please, to gain something later, because we think we don't have a choice, to avoid a scene, to shut them up, or as a lie for the moment. But if we cannot say no, then yes loses its meaning. I asked myself how often I've said yes, if not for any of the reasons above, then as a habit, without thought, an automatic response. It feels rude, uncomfortable, selfish to say no. In situations we face on a regular … [Read more...]
The crowd loves being a crowd
While thinking about others, it's a natural tendency to compare ourselves to them, what they're thinking of us, and our place among them as we perceive it. We seek reassurance we have a place to belong. There's strength and safety in numbers, and following the crowd makes life so much easier. Sometimes it rubs the ego the wrong way (I'm not like them), but it's hard to muster argument against the path of least resistance. We've all followed the crowd To the airplane exit. To the right … [Read more...]
The goal rush vs “it’s part of the process”
Results seekers, goal getters, high achievers and accomplishment lovers— You know and live for the high of wins; it's what makes you tick, and what fuels you forward. But sometimes, the path you choose to getting what you want (or think you want) leaves a lot to be desired. Things tend to get intense. The big picture gets foggy. You go from high gear to high-speed in seconds, where the trips and falls come faster and hit harder. If you're not careful, you risk giving in and … [Read more...]
Confidence: How some have it easy, and what to do if you don’t
I have a friend who succeeds at pretty much anything she touches. New business? She already owns one, so why not start another? Website, manufacturing, marketing, she's on it. Neither starting nor following through are a problem. Room remodel? She finds the right people in a jiff, knows what she wants, and viola, it's done. A different art technique for her designs? She finds a class, takes it, and boom, she makes her pieces. And yes, they're gorgeous. I'm not sure why … [Read more...]
Stop asking for good advice. Get real advice instead.
Their voices were so loud my head was ready to explode. I couldn't make them stop. It was my own fault. I had opened the door and they all rushed in, flooding every crevice they could find. I should've known better. At least, that's what I've been told. That's the problem with advice. You go in seeking insight, direction, or, in desperate times, a glimmer of hope. But more often than not, you take a step and boom, you're smothered. Or get a host of contradictions. Or catchy, … [Read more...]
5 Ideas too sexy for their own good (and why you shouldn’t fall for them)
You thought they were the "one". But they broke their promise, let you down, and if they got far enough, they broke your heart. Nothing tastes quite like the bitter disappointment of discovering you fell for a sham. They told you what you wanted to hear, and you fell hook, line and sinker. It's a good game and you played right into their hands. And now, here you are. The pain. The agony. The self-flagellation. Your life is turned upside down, and you're not sure if you can trust … [Read more...]
The difference between your heroes and . . . everyone else
In the movie Footloose, Kevin Bacon stood out by taking on a whole town because he wanted to dance. In Legally Blonde, Reese Witherspoon was ridiculed by her peers for how she dressed and spoke, even though she got into law school just like them. In these movies, and hundreds like them, we cheer for the outcasts and the underdogs — our heroes — because most of us know how that feels. And we watch the (mostly) happy ending. The hero or heroine goes against the norm and wins. Watching … [Read more...]
What to do when you don’t get what you want (and after you do)
"You're going to spend more time getting there than staying there." This semi-awkward line is from my own book. Yes, I just quoted myself. While the line could use some work, the wisdom behind it has been time-tested over hundreds of years. But there's a good reason it's still around and why I bring it up today: it's because we need to be frequently reminded of it, which is why I put it there in the first place, albeit not so goodly. Simply put, despite our greatest ideas, our best … [Read more...]
Did you ever wish you could quit and start over?
Exactly a year ago, I quit my job. More accurately, I sold my business, which was my job. As this date approached, I was curious. Would I get sentimental? Feel joy? Have a sudden but powerful urge to attack a jar of peanut butter? None of the above, especially not that last one (whew). What I do feel is a sense of done-ness, something I ached to feel much, much earlier. I owned, managed, blood-sweat-and-teared in my dental practice for almost a decade. I spent the last few … [Read more...]
How to deal with fear when “crushing it” doesn’t work
For a long time, I thought the only way to deal with fear was to muscle through it, to somehow beat it into submission. The end goal being fear's permanent exit, I would emerge victorious, free to move on and succeed. I'm not sure where I picked this up. Probably, like we pick up other beliefs, in bits and pieces growing up, from people we're around, the idols we admire, the media we consume. Of course, the other part is our personality, and what we naturally lean toward. Recently, though, … [Read more...]
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