Some failures can be hard to get over. It could be something we didn't accomplish as we'd hoped, like meeting a deadline, or something we only perceived as a failure in our head, like showing up ten minutes late to our kid's piano recital. Either way, it's much easier to internalize those feelings, adding more fuel to the fire that's the negative voice in your head. What's yours? Your mom? Dad? Grandma? Your fifth grade teacher that said you just didn't have what it takes? Like most … [Read more...]

Years ago, there was a time when I wished I could add numbers in my head or was better about writing letters to keep in touch with my friends. Technology today has made my wish a reality; speedy math and email are just a smart phone away. The skills we seek these days are somewhat different than just a decade ago. There are many I'd love to add to my repertoire. Like reducing my junk mail (a top secret, no doubt, housed in an underground fortress and guarded 24/7), minimizing … [Read more...]

When you're starting something new, you're going to face two kinds of obstacles: Real obstacles Feel-real obstacles Real obstacles are dealt with planning, deadlines, accountability, systems, and the like. The high of an Instagram-worthy goal plan alone can get your adrenaline pumping and itching for multi-colored Post-its. Somewhat less attractive are the feel-real obstacles—by which I don't mean fake or imaginary, but those under the surface, deeper, hidden—and they're based on … [Read more...]

To all my hustlers—go forth and be you, be all the way you. To the rest of us—the anti-hustlers—we need a place to belong too. A place where you can get the job done, but take the time it needs to do it. A place where the race is on, but only with yourself. A little time for reflection is a welcome breather. A little space where to not go, go, go feels good, good, good. As anti-hustlers, we don't shy away from down time, blocks of boredom, of doing things just because (and not … [Read more...]

All the good stuff of life, the good stuff in life. The meaningful friendships. The hard-won victories. The soul-satisfying, worth-it relationships. Looking back (if you really look), it's always a long story. But when we're looking forward, so often we look for the the short cut, the quick race to the glorious finish. The ease and quickness, or at least the idea of it, is tempting because that's usually the only way we can get ourselves to start. And if we succeed, wouldn't that make a … [Read more...]

The word 'change' is dear to me. I've danced with it in the light and grappled with it in the dark; gulped it down in my worthy wins and bargained with it amidst my grueling failures. It is a question I've pondered in the midst of existential crises and while staring—hopelessly—at the items in my closet. So when I see it bandied about with overnight, over-easy promises, chosen flippantly to peddle the fad du jour, or wielded to titillate our deepest desires in a pretty package, it feels a … [Read more...]

Often, the only thing standing between us and a truth we haven't admitted to ourselves (yet) is simply the permission to do it. For all practical purposes, this act of needing permission is imaginary. But then, we're not always practical. So here are three slips of permission, because inarguably, some words seem to mean more when they come from outside of us: 1. You have permission to accept, and put into practice, ideas and habits that work for you but run counter to accepted … [Read more...]

We all have the same dream. To make it. Whatever your "it" is, the big leaps and the lucky breaks might be the milestones you're waiting for, the ones you're aching for. We believe it's the big, unexpected events make life memorable and occasionally exciting. But it's the small, predictable routines that make it worth living. Or, at the very least, they hold life together. They make it possible to carry on from one day to the next. They make the difference between a million … [Read more...]

I like unicorns as much as the next person. But if you're asking if I've ever seen one . . . well, let's just say I always like to leave room for magic in my life. The same goes for happiness. Despite the many shapes, sizes or containers people claim it comes in, it's not a tangible object you can hold, no matter how hard you try. We all face so much pressure over this expectation to be happy, all day, every day. It's a goal we're taught to have, a finish line to cross, a meaningful … [Read more...]

The hardest thing about when you feel like quitting but you also don't want to fail is not whether you should quit or keep going. The hardest thing is to know the difference between quitting and failing. The media has us fall for all kinds of romantic notions like the relentless warrior, the 24/7 hustle, of winning at all costs, and of course, the crowd favorite, never! quit! Cue a multitude of cliches scattered on a bed of English roses, bathing in moonlight while the curtains waft in … [Read more...]