And I think: Once the war is over. . . I'm a hypocrite. I say I'm all for peace, but I know war better. My blind allegiance, my undying loyalty, my automatic response is to go to war when it comes to me and myself. The ruthless and relentless march of fear over hope when I falter, fail, don't measure up - is that not war? We're all such good little soldiers. Why? Because war feels familiar. We know which guns to use, which knives are the sharpest and the weaknesses in our armor. We've been … [Read more...]

Progress is exciting. You're in motion, making strides, and whatever you're seeking feels achievable. I LOVE LOVE LOVE progress. *yes, triple caps, because that's how you know my love is real* It's one of the best drug-free highs out there (although it usually entails copious amounts of caffeine, so draw your own conclusions). Progress gives you hope. That hope propels you forward and keeps you going through the suck-fest of the downs, knowing that even if things are far from perfect … [Read more...]

Numbers are specific. A 5 is always going to be a 5, whether I ask you what's the sum of 2+3, or what comes next after 4. When I say 5, you know exactly which number I'm talking about. Words, on the other hand, can mean different things depending on how you use them. "Oh really?" can be a polite question, a condescending sneer, or a playful quip. In the arms of a good comedian, it can be all three at once. The same set of words can deliver support or incite anger, delight or deflate, … [Read more...]

Optimism, I hear, is a good thing. In challenging times, the belief that things will be better in the future than they are now can make the difference you're determinedly, desperately seeking. I'm not a naturally optimistic person (sigh), but I'd like for it to come more naturally. Optimism correlates strongly with both resilience and openness, traits that we'll never not find useful. Besides, it sounds a lot more fun than the alternative. But no matter how strong your can-do … [Read more...]

And I think: Why don't we consider the other side of quitting more often? It's always 'no more of this', not enough 'instead, I'll do that'. Which sounds and feels much better than simply trying harder, doing more of the same, or the emptiness of irredeemable failure if we don't. You can quit X*, or instead, you can: take a break and try again later work on a different version of X learn how to do Y, which is not obvious but also solves for X disregard X completely and tackle Z, … [Read more...]

In addition to the physical world, we increasingly seem to be living in another plane of existence: the online world. This is a relatively recent turn, a mark of our modern world. It has taken us to incredible new heights, but also plunging new depths. It's no longer about just staying present in the real, physical world with our thoughts, feelings and emotions (i.e., our interpretation of the physical world) forming the stories in our heads, shaping our minds, dictating our … [Read more...]

To be the best, the very very best, on top of your game at all times . . . Enough. We've all had enough. It's exhausting, unrealistic, and unsustainable. Pressure may turn coal into diamonds, but are we simply aspiring to be shiny stones? Thanks, but no thanks. Here's to going for what you want, but also staying open to possibilities. Here's to starting new things with curiosity and its cooky cousins, awkwardness and missteps. Here's to trying things with a beginner's mind … [Read more...]

Discovering you're wrong when you were sure you were right can be tough to take. With my kids, admitting I was wrong feels the least uncomfortable, maybe because they're still young and sweet and haven't mastered the legendary teenage eyeroll-and-smirk combo. In the outside world—with bosses, coworkers, ornery aunts, stubborn uncles and that grumpy guy in line at the grocery store—admitting a wrong, however slight, can get a little tricky, a little prickly. But the hardest place to … [Read more...]

There's a term in Sanskrit called neti neti, meaning not this, not this. It's an approach used in a style of yoga called Jnana Yoga, as well as in meditation as a path to self-realization, a way to disidentify with our thoughts and labels to know the Supreme Reality. If that bends your mind in more ways than The Matrix, I can relate. But apart from what this means at the intersection of theology and spirituality (I'll let the experts untangle that), I nevertheless found this concept … [Read more...]

I know, I know. That makes no sense whatsoever. Sounds flat-out wrong, actually. Blasphemous, even, in this day and age. But it's not a typo. Ever since I can remember—and maybe you can too—we've been told that the right thing to do is to finish what you start. It's what our parents told us, then our teachers. Now, our bosses say the same. Our customers, our clients. I get it. And for most situations, it holds true. Most. But we can't be all work and no play, right? And the … [Read more...]