And I think: That I can make my own rules has been a revelation. The realization they can save me from myself has been nothing short of remarkable. In my 20s, I both followed authority and felt trapped by it. In my 30s, I understood some rules are necessary but still resented many. Now, I try to be more pragmatic. I ask which rules are really important, and which ones are a cover for something else. The world can be a tricky place. Making rules for myself is even trickier, but it … [Read more...]

Take responsibility. Release control. I've been mulling over these four words lately. Whether I read philosophy, spirituality, psychology or a romping magic-vampire-werewolves adventure thriller, this concept inevitably presents itself. One thing is clear, though. Understanding these words is important. Practicing them even more so. Whether out of habit or unintentionally, we are hell bent on doing the exact opposite. We insist on taking control, and releasing responsibility. We … [Read more...]

Let's start with chocolate. Or, if that's not your thing, try hammocks by the beach, binge watching your favorite shows, spa day all day, time off, whatever makes your list of I want. They may be fleeting moments of pleasure and indulgence. So what? We all deserve to indulge every now and then. Defining what you really want, though, can be tougher than listing your no-need-for-guilt pleasures. Maybe you haven't given it serious thought. Maybe you've tossed and turned with life's … [Read more...]

There's a secret I've shared with few in my life. I've held it close to my heart for so long, afraid of being judged, ridiculed, or worse—called a hipster. But it's time to come clean: If you ever hand me a menu that lists a dish with sun-dried tomatoes in it, there's a 90% chance I'll order it. In these uncertain times, those are incredible odds. If you're in marketing or advertising, I've just handed you gold. Sunny, delicious, tomato-ey gold. WHEW. The sense of liberation is … [Read more...]

It is a confounding fact of life that better does not always equal easy. But then life never made us any promises. On one hand, struggle shakes us rudely awake from our complacency, making us sit up and take notice, alert to every detail. On the other, it throws the gates to fear wide open, clouding our judgement and impeding our capacity to see beyond our pain. Easier. If only things were easier. Then we would be fine. H a p p y. FULFILLED. We would feel better. Be better. Ease … [Read more...]

And I think: A lot of what I'm reading lately seems to focus on understanding. Or perhaps I am? It's like how you notice red cars more often when you get a red car yourself. The concept of understanding is like the shy, unassuming kid in the back corner of the class; he does the work you ask, doesn't give you any trouble, and generally fades from notice, so you tend to forget about him. But it is, I'm learning, the key to change; to eventually, peacefully, finally ending the numerous … [Read more...]

Compare yourself to others? Congrats, you're human. Comparison comes naturally because it's a built-in aspect of our social nature. We're pack animals, so while the degree might vary, the pack is always our context. So why are we constantly told we shouldn't compare ourselves? It's because most of us, most of the time, are doing comparison wrong. We compare out of fear, when we should be comparing to learn. And they are two very, very different things. This difference is a huge source of … [Read more...]

Ever notice how you feel more connected to certain words, like they belong to you? For me, words like books, bread, and reading feel like home. We've known each other all my life, and they feel as comfortable and natural as breathing. Your words can be someone's name, or your favorite place. It's like a homing signal; your ears perk up even when you hear them in a crowd, like when your child says 'Mom!' in a room full of people and you tune in and turn toward it on reflex. Some of your words … [Read more...]

Three Years Ago I looked at the row of packed boxes and thought, Wow, it's time. It hit me just then that my office had always been only a few boxes away from looking like it belonged to no one in particular, ready for the next person, the next photo on the desk, the next plant by the window. Almost ten years ago, I remembered coming here, setting up my things, sorting through the forgotten knick-knacks, the motley stationary, the mystery keys no one seemed to know which lock they belonged … [Read more...]

When you're stuck, you need wins more than anything else. 1. Wins show you what's working now. Even if they seem small or trivial, wins are clues that give you direction. 2. Wins generate a sense of 'you've got this', which fuels forward motion. Hope, my friends, is a beautiful, beautiful thing. It's far more tempting to wait around for miraculous answers to the big questions. We've all given into that temptation at times, waiting for perfection, waiting to be rescued. I know I … [Read more...]