The older we get, the more nuanced our life journey grows. While many of us aim for similar things, like a good career, marriage, family, etc., life doesn't always go as planned. Even if it does, the pursuit of similar things is still processed through a personal filter that's unique to each of us as individuals. Your personal filter is something you've always had, molded over time by your temperament, your environment and your experiences. It's how you process the world and come to view … [Read more...]

When it comes to plans, we have very stubborn beliefs. If you love plans, you love that they give your life and living structure, a direction, a purpose. Plans keep you moving. Plans make you feel secure. If you're not much of a planner, you prefer to go with the flow. Planning seems like a lot of work only to be derailed, because life rarely ever goes as planned. Just look at yesterday. Or the day before. You weren't supposed to lose that job. You weren't planning on getting divorced. And … [Read more...]

And I think: That I can make my own rules has been a revelation. The realization they can save me from myself has been nothing short of remarkable. In my 20s, I both followed authority and felt trapped by it. In my 30s, I understood some rules are necessary but still resented many. Now, I try to be more pragmatic. I ask which rules are really important, and which ones are a cover for something else. The world can be a tricky place. Making rules for myself is even trickier, but it … [Read more...]

Take responsibility. Release control. I've been mulling over these four words lately. Whether I read philosophy, spirituality, psychology or a romping magic-vampire-werewolves adventure thriller, this concept inevitably presents itself. One thing is clear, though. Understanding these words is important. Practicing them even more so. Whether out of habit or unintentionally, we are hell bent on doing the exact opposite. We insist on taking control, and releasing responsibility. We … [Read more...]

Let's start with chocolate. Or, if that's not your thing, try hammocks by the beach, binge watching your favorite shows, spa day all day, time off, whatever makes your list of I want. They may be fleeting moments of pleasure and indulgence. So what? We all deserve to indulge every now and then. Defining what you really want, though, can be tougher than listing your no-need-for-guilt pleasures. Maybe you haven't given it serious thought. Maybe you've tossed and turned with life's … [Read more...]

There's a secret I've shared with few in my life. I've held it close to my heart for so long, afraid of being judged, ridiculed, or worse—called a hipster. But it's time to come clean: If you ever hand me a menu that lists a dish with sun-dried tomatoes in it, there's a 90% chance I'll order it. In these uncertain times, those are incredible odds. If you're in marketing or advertising, I've just handed you gold. Sunny, delicious, tomato-ey gold. WHEW. The sense of liberation is … [Read more...]

It is a confounding fact of life that better does not always equal easy. But then life never made us any promises. On one hand, struggle shakes us rudely awake from our complacency, making us sit up and take notice, alert to every detail. On the other, it throws the gates to fear wide open, clouding our judgement and impeding our capacity to see beyond our pain. Easier. If only things were easier. Then we would be fine. H a p p y. FULFILLED. We would feel better. Be better. Ease … [Read more...]

And I think: A lot of what I'm reading lately seems to focus on understanding. Or perhaps I am? It's like how you notice red cars more often when you get a red car yourself. The concept of understanding is like the shy, unassuming kid in the back corner of the class; he does the work you ask, doesn't give you any trouble, and generally fades from notice, so you tend to forget about him. But it is, I'm learning, the key to change; to eventually, peacefully, finally ending the numerous … [Read more...]

Compare yourself to others? Congrats, you're human. Comparison comes naturally because it's a built-in aspect of our social nature. We're pack animals, so while the degree might vary, the pack is always our context. So why are we constantly told we shouldn't compare ourselves? It's because most of us, most of the time, are doing comparison wrong. We compare out of fear, when we should be comparing to learn. And they are two very, very different things. This difference is a huge source of … [Read more...]

Ever notice how you feel more connected to certain words, like they belong to you? For me, words like books, bread, and reading feel like home. We've known each other all my life, and they feel as comfortable and natural as breathing. Your words can be someone's name, or your favorite place. It's like a homing signal; your ears perk up even when you hear them in a crowd, like when your child says 'Mom!' in a room full of people and you tune in and turn toward it on reflex. Some of your words … [Read more...]