There's a term in Sanskrit called neti neti, meaning not this, not this. It's an approach used in a style of yoga called Jnana Yoga, as well as in meditation as a path to self-realization, a way to disidentify with our thoughts and labels to know the Supreme Reality. If that bends your mind in more ways than The Matrix, I can relate. But apart from what this means at the intersection of theology and spirituality (I'll let the experts untangle that), I nevertheless found this concept … [Read more...]

I know, I know. That makes no sense whatsoever. Sounds flat-out wrong, actually. Blasphemous, even, in this day and age. But it's not a typo. Ever since I can remember—and maybe you can too—we've been told that the right thing to do is to finish what you start. It's what our parents told us, then our teachers. Now, our bosses say the same. Our customers, our clients. I get it. And for most situations, it holds true. Most. But we can't be all work and no play, right? And the … [Read more...]

Some failures can be hard to get over. It could be something we didn't accomplish as we'd hoped, like meeting a deadline, or something we only perceived as a failure in our head, like showing up ten minutes late to our kid's piano recital. Either way, it's much easier to internalize those feelings, adding more fuel to the fire that's the negative voice in your head. What's yours? Your mom? Dad? Grandma? Your fifth grade teacher that said you just didn't have what it takes? Like most … [Read more...]

Years ago, there was a time when I wished I could add numbers in my head or was better about writing letters to keep in touch with my friends. Technology today has made my wish a reality; speedy math and email are just a smart phone away. The skills we seek these days are somewhat different than just a decade ago. There are many I'd love to add to my repertoire. Like reducing my junk mail (a top secret, no doubt, housed in an underground fortress and guarded 24/7), minimizing … [Read more...]

When you're starting something new, you're going to face two kinds of obstacles: Real obstacles Feel-real obstacles Real obstacles are dealt with planning, deadlines, accountability, systems, and the like. The high of an Instagram-worthy goal plan alone can get your adrenaline pumping and itching for multi-colored Post-its. Somewhat less attractive are the feel-real obstacles—by which I don't mean fake or imaginary, but those under the surface, deeper, hidden—and they're based on … [Read more...]

To all my hustlers—go forth and be you, be all the way you. To the rest of us—the anti-hustlers—we need a place to belong too. A place where you can get the job done, but take the time it needs to do it. A place where the race is on, but only with yourself. A little time for reflection is a welcome breather. A little space where to not go, go, go feels good, good, good. As anti-hustlers, we don't shy away from down time, blocks of boredom, of doing things just because (and not … [Read more...]

All the good stuff of life, the good stuff in life. The meaningful friendships. The hard-won victories. The soul-satisfying, worth-it relationships. Looking back (if you really look), it's always a long story. But when we're looking forward, so often we look for the the short cut, the quick race to the glorious finish. The ease and quickness, or at least the idea of it, is tempting because that's usually the only way we can get ourselves to start. And if we succeed, wouldn't that make a … [Read more...]

The word 'change' is dear to me. I've danced with it in the light and grappled with it in the dark; gulped it down in my worthy wins and bargained with it amidst my grueling failures. It is a question I've pondered in the midst of existential crises and while staring—hopelessly—at the items in my closet. So when I see it bandied about with overnight, over-easy promises, chosen flippantly to peddle the fad du jour, or wielded to titillate our deepest desires in a pretty package, it feels a … [Read more...]

Often, the only thing standing between us and a truth we haven't admitted to ourselves (yet) is simply the permission to do it. For all practical purposes, this act of needing permission is imaginary. But then, we're not always practical. So here are three slips of permission, because inarguably, some words seem to mean more when they come from outside of us: 1. You have permission to accept, and put into practice, ideas and habits that work for you but run counter to accepted … [Read more...]

We all have the same dream. To make it. Whatever your "it" is, the big leaps and the lucky breaks might be the milestones you're waiting for, the ones you're aching for. We believe it's the big, unexpected events make life memorable and occasionally exciting. But it's the small, predictable routines that make it worth living. Or, at the very least, they hold life together. They make it possible to carry on from one day to the next. They make the difference between a million … [Read more...]