And I think: This may be the most interesting advice for when you don't know what it is exactly that you want. In our earlier years, we move with (and within) the certainty of reaching conventional goals. Society eagerly nudges us from kindergarten to college, get a job, settle down. With some variation, we mostly plug into the system. But with maturity and understanding and a better sense of self, and perhaps a gut-piercing bout or two with real life, many of us find ourselves seeking … [Read more...]

The time has come when we (hopefully) are dialing down on the same old conversations that wait at the ready as we usher in a new year. When we eat our fill from the annual goals-and-resolutions buffet, the inevitable happens—a simultaneous heaviness and emptiness of having eaten a lot but not well, nor what we really wanted. A hallmark of any good relationship is acknowledging when something isn't working. But when it's the relationship between you and yourself (or for that matter, your … [Read more...]

A great journey awaits you. It's not for the faint of heart, so pack your resilience and sharpen your instincts. You're heading down a long, winding path to a dark place, a very cold, small dungeon near the basement of your soul, to unlock your essential self. Sound fun? Perhaps a more enticing journey, and a more fitting way to kick off new beginnings would be to look for what most everyone looks for—happiness and fulfillment. These words are often used together, and at times, … [Read more...]

Come to a pause instead. There are times in life when the anticipation of discovery is thrilling, when not knowing what will happen feels like a welcome flame in the drabness of the everyday predictable. A good book, a movie that hooks you in, a meaningful connection with someone you just met. Some might even say these moments land us in the realm of pure joy. On the flip side, not knowing the answers amid ongoing pain and suffering can fill one with anguish and despair. We are not meant … [Read more...]

A staggering portion of our activity is motivated by the desire to feel safe and secure. Which means, by and large, we want things to stay predictable and in control. The problem is, we get bored when things get too predictable. We want change. We want different. We want better. Some of us get focused and set goals. Some go a step further and get obsessed with goals, because that's what high achievers do. But as they do for most goals, they add on to what's already there without similar focus … [Read more...]

Simplicity, more often than not, is anything but simple to achieve. The fantasy of a simpler life can seem too far removed from the clutter, chaos, and complexities of reality. But is it really as far away as we think, or are we too entrenched in the all-or-nothing story in our head? We tend to think of simplicity obliquely, something that might happen, someday, somehow and—if we're honest—on its own, effortlessly. But life worked like that, it would be, well, simple. Then there are those … [Read more...]

And I think: At first glance, it is a bewildering thought. It calls into question both the unspoken agreements we've made about life in general, and at the same time gently challenges our willingness to succumb to the "shoulds" of how we live it. Perhaps this is why failure exists; it's a shakedown, a (sometimes rude) reminder to recalibrate, to pay attention. It is a forced stumble-and-pause in our intent pursuit of (often misguided) lofty and noble goals. Listen for what it intends … [Read more...]

A question that comes up fairly often is: what makes your life meaningful? It is one of the deep questions of life, but feels trite when asked outside of a deep context, turning a worthwhile question into an invitation for performative answers or a nifty sound bite, any chance of gaining significant insight lost before it even started. But even if you were to seriously ponder what gives your life meaning, it wouldn't take long after spewing out conventional and conditioned phrases that your … [Read more...]

We love the idea of a straight line; start at one point and end at another. It's how we think of narratives. Just like we also think of beginnings as exciting, and endings as a cause for sadness. As much as beginnings lead to endings, so do endings lead to new beginnings. But the latter is much harder to accept. Even positive transitions can feel difficult, because beginning a new phase means something old has to die, something has to be let go. This is why we created rituals and ceremonies, … [Read more...]

Sometimes, it's all just too much. Or you wonder, what will they think? Or you begin to question things and the meaning behind them. Depending on where you are in life, you might be contending with a very natural response: anxiety. There's a whole cohort of fine and logical people who will tell you how to get rid of this anxiety. From phrases next to swooshes to business buzzwords, their sure-fire plan can rid you of this inconvenient feeling so you can get back to doing what you need. … [Read more...]