When life gets real, do you choose vengeance or transformation?

The beginning of the year is a good time for reflecting on the past year.

But in all honesty, anytime is a good time for reflection. It’s just that we get caught up in the busyness of our days to take a moment to look deeper into our lives, and then it feels too big, too tedious, or not worth it.

But reflecting is not simply a backward scroll on the calendar, accounting for significant life events or milestones. A good start, but that just scratches the surface.

Reflecting is only beneficial in a meaningful and impactful way if you learn something that makes your life better.

And learning happens when you’re willing to ask yourself some honest questions and face the honesty of your answers, beyond the highlights and shiny moments.

If your circumstances are not aligned with what you seek in life, if you find yourself too far away from your center, this diving in — as intimidating, trivial, or repulsive as it might seem — is your way through, and your way forward.

No matter our circumstances, whether it be the job in which we feel stuck, a friendship we let go by the wayside, our relationship with our spouse or kids, we got here because at some point along the way we forgot to pay attention. We took what we had for granted. We didn’t make choices based on good values or in alignment with our truth, or ignored them altogether.

Sure, you might want to blame your boss or how you’re so busy or those damn kids and their ways and how it wasn’t like that when you were growing up. You might be right. You might even be justified.

But none of that means that you didn’t play your part in letting that happen.

Decide what you want

When things go sour and life’s challenges rake up your anger or fear, giving in means you are human.

But blaming the company or God or technology or fate or “those people” will keep your ego happy and you stuck where you are. You might then resort to bitterness. Or resentment. Or eventually, vengeance.

When we hit our lowest point, when we face harsh reality, when we have been grievously and unfairly wronged, when the unknowns of the future threaten our ideas of peace and security, we stand at a crossroads.

We can give in to the anger, the fear, the bitterness, the resentment. We can demand vengeance we so justly deserve.

Or we can choose to transform.

We can step back and consider our circumstances.

We can ask ourselves if we’re truly looking to feed our ego and revel in our anger and glorify our victimhood, or are we truly seeking to better our situation.

Because feeding our ego feels damn good (even if you’re miserable, because it’s the misery you know), but it rarely betters our situation, at least not in a lasting way.

When life gets real, so can you

When reflecting, consider these questions:

Transformation doesn’t start with the outer world, it starts with your inner being.

Is this hard? Yes. Especially at the beginning. But the alternative is a life lived in constant anger, resentment, and dissatisfaction.

Life is short. Would you rather spend it than aiming for that which is positive, meaningful, and worthy or that which invites you to expand and reach your highest self?

Whether we admit it or not, the shallow food we chase won’t satisfy our deep hunger.

The good news is that you can start small. You already have the wisdom you need, one that can guide you if were to truly listen.

Let your inner being be your guide at every crossroads, and watch what happens. You will find that as do this more often your head clears and your inner guide’s voice will too. You will start making better choices, and begin to let go of the harmful things that hold you back. You will feel less anger and fear, and be more accepting and confident. Life will feel simpler and you will feel more authentic.

It will no longer feel too big or too tedious, because you will have e x p a n d e d. And if you had any doubts, let me reflect the answer you already know: yes, it’s worth it.