I’ve lied about being a fast learner on my resume. Okay, maybe it wasn’t a total lie, because I have learned a few things pretty fast. Like what people want to read on a resume.
Years later and a bit wiser, I’ve decided to give myself permission to be slow. What I mean by that is I recognize that when I learn something slowly, it tends to stick, sink in deeper and stick around longer, and I am okay with it. In fact, most of my hard-earned life lessons have come about this way.
Do I wish I was a fast learner? Hell yeah I do. I want to know it all, and I wanted it yesterday. This learning curve slog takes time, puts me through the ringer and all the while the rest of the world seems to pass me by. I keep imagining everyone else has it figured out, and they’re pointing fingers and laughing at me.
Meanwhile, I’m chugging along. Why so slow? It’s because:
– I’m making mistakes. Oh so many mistakes. Sometimes the same ones over and over.
– I’m spending time in the pits, discouraged, failing, then learning that I can get up.
– I’m surrounding myself with those who seem to be a few steps ahead so I can stalk, I mean learn from them. That takes time.
– Trial, error, trial, error, give up, get up, trial, error. I’ve never been good at playing the lottery so it’s the long haul for me.
– Once in a while, I’ll get really stuck on a bigger life issue. Then I lose hope. All of it. I’m talking leave-me-alone-the-world-can-go-to-hell type of stuck. After some time, cake and Netflix, I’ll pull myself out of my funk against my will and realize I’m not done learning this particular lesson yet. It still sucks but by then I’m sick of not moving.
– Occasionally, I experience the joy of success, but more often the joy of my best effort. Then I know I’ve learned something. This really and truly excites me. So I enjoy it for some time by eating cake and watching Netflix.
As you can see, I’m nowhere near fast. Every once in a while I’ll discover a short cut or go full speed ahead, but it flops more than it works. You have to have some kind of system that works, and I’ve found mine, for now.
As you can also see, this is not an ode. But I’m slowly learning about them.
Cake. That’s what’s been missing, cake.
Although I’m more of a pie guy, so maybe I’ll hit the local bakery for a very large peach pie.
Five months of “Why would I volunteer for the pain of being a writer? Who would do that to themselves?” hasn’t led to anything but more pie lust.
Intellectually, I know I’ll come out fighting. Eventually. Look, he can use adverbs like a total hack nonwriter.
Emotionally look it’s an adverb I’m struggling not to spend my days sleeping.
Being married to someone who gets it has probably saved my life.
Cake. Pie. Cake that pretends to be pie, or pie that shows cake who’s boss. At the end of the day it’s whatever gets you through to the next level. Cake/pie are just the pit stop to the real support 🙂