Get intimate with what you want

Let’s start with chocolate.

Or, if that’s not your thing, try hammocks by the beach, binge watching your favorite shows, spa day all day, time off, whatever makes your list of I want.

They may be fleeting moments of pleasure and indulgence. So what? We all deserve to indulge every now and then.

Defining what you really want, though, can be tougher than listing your no-need-for-guilt pleasures.

Maybe you haven’t given it serious thought. Maybe you’ve tossed and turned with life’s harsh waves long enough that what you wanted doesn’t feel right anymore. Maybe you don’t know what you want.

Getting intimate with what you want means objectively, as much as possible, looking at where you are now and articulating what’s working and what’s not.

You may have to ask yourself some tough questions. Answers to the easy questions are usually what we think we want or simply mimicking wanting what other people do. Answers to the tough questions, if you’re truly honest with yourself (and if that’s not the goal, good luck, because then you’re only punishing yourself), may not be pretty.

Intimacy implies closeness but also vulnerability and trust. It means opening yourself to the possibility of pain.

It may mean acknowledging that what you want does not come without some amount of discipline and sacrifice. You’ll have to get out of your comfortable cocoon and deal with discomfort so you can be comfortable with who you want to become in the future.

It may also mean that what you want is not what you need. And if it doesn’t fill your need—your deep, intrinsic need—even if you get it, it will never satisfy that constant ache inside you.

Get intimate with what you want. If it conflicts with your core values, you’ll have to work at letting it go. As it often works in these situations, you take small steps and move forward.

And if it aligns with who you are and what you truly need, you’re already on your way. It will help reduce self-doubt, pay more attention to how you spend your time and improve the quality of your choices.

Either way, you will get closer to what you’re aiming for.

So look a little deeper. Get closer and really see. Get intimate with what you want and it will lead you to what you’re looking for.

Design inspiration: Lisa Congdon